Sermon laughs
Humor
The funny bits from Sunday mornings, cued right to the laugh.
69 jokes
- PunTitanicwealthicebreakers
Titanic jokes break the ice
I was going to start off this morning with a joke about the Titanic. I don't always do Titanic jokes, but I do sometimes use them to break the ice.
Let that sink in.
Is that too much? Okay. All right.
From the sermon: The Road to Jerusalem – Part 5 (Aug 30, 2026)
- Illustrationwealthsalvationimpossibility
Tiny camels and enormous needles
I saw a really funny video. I think it was Saturday Night Live, years and years ago. A guy in a lab coat stands in a lab and says, "We think we've found the solution to this problem. We've made really small camels and really large needles."
But the point of Jesus' illustration is that it's impossible.
From the sermon: The Road to Jerusalem – Part 5 (Aug 30, 2026)
- PuncowboysBible readingwordplay
Woe is a good place to stop
Jesus moves on, and here's a word for you: "Woe." That's a good place to stop, isn't it? Whoa!
That was a joke for the cowboys in the room. Apparently there are only a few of you.
But this isn't that kind of whoa, is it?
From the sermon: The Road to Jerusalem – Part 3 (Aug 9, 2026)
- Jokeboatsperceptionassumptions
Magician, parrot, and a disappearing cruise ship
I heard about a cruise-ship magician. That's an interesting job, because you do the same tricks every night for different people. The captain loved to go watch him, and the captain had a parrot. The magician hated that parrot, because it called out every trick. He'd do a card trick and the parrot would squawk, "It's up his sleeve!" He'd pull something out of the hat and the parrot would say, "It's a different hat!"
One night the parrot called out one more trick, and the magician got so mad he pulled out a pistol and shot at it. The parrot ducked, the bullet hit a propane tank, and the whole cruise ship exploded.
Everybody's gone except the magician and the parrot, with broken pieces scattered all over the ocean. The parrot looks at the magician and says, "All right, I give up. How'd you do it? Where's the boat?"
From the sermon: Don't Miss the Boat (Jul 5, 2026)
- Storychildhoodstorytellingmagic
Childhood magician with a rubber chicken
Are there any magicians out here this morning? Any magicians? No? Just me? Okay.
I was a dork growing up. I liked to do magic and illusions for my family. I was one of those weird kids. I had a rubber chicken. I had all sorts of things.
From the sermon: Don't Miss the Boat (Jul 5, 2026)
- Jokeobvious questionssignsassumptions
Car locked: hanging it up to dry
When Jesus says "here's your sign," it reminds me of a comedian's bit. A man locked his keys in his car and was working at the door with a coat hanger, trying to fish them out. A guy walks up and asks, "You lock your keys in your car?"
He says, "No, I just washed it. I'm hanging it up to dry."
Here's your sign.
From the sermon: The Real Thing – Part 2 (Jun 7, 2026)
- Jokepreparationeternityprocrastination
Last-minute preparations for a long trip
Back when they still had full-service stations, a preacher told this story. It was the Fourth of July weekend, and there was a pile of cars at the station because everybody was heading out on vacation. The preacher pulls in for gas, and he's way back in the line. It takes a couple of hours to get him in there.
When he finally gets served, the attendant comes up and says, "Sir, I'm so sorry about the wait. I don't know why all these people have to wait until the last minute to make their preparations to go on a long trip."
The preacher looked at him and said, "You know, son, in my line of work it's the same thing."
From the sermon: The Real Thing – Part 1 (May 31, 2026)
- Jokechildrenparentinginterruptions
Interrupting cow
As we move into chapter 10, we're going to talk about interruptions. Can somebody say "interruption"? Well, that's kind of rude, y'all.
I used to tease my kids with the old knock-knock joke. "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting cow." "Interrupting c—" "MOO!"
You ever do that one? That's what you do.
From the sermon: Unexpected Kingdom (May 24, 2026)
- Storyself talkexerciseself denial
Running: my brain demands a donut
I've been running. It's terrible. I hate it. But it's good to do things you hate, especially when they're good for you.
If you want to hear yourself talk to yourself, go to the running track and run a lap. Your brain will tell you how dumb you are and how bad you need a donut.
You know that conversation you have going on with yourself? Does anybody realize how weird that is? You just hope everybody else is doing it too.
From the sermon: Trust the Captain (May 17, 2026)
- Puncold weatherclothingAustralia
Australian down underwear
It was cold this morning, but I had to take my little jacket off up here so I wouldn't get too hot. I had it imported from Australia. I always get a hard time about my down underwear.
That was a joke. That one went by too fast.
From the sermon: Self Aware – Part 5 (Feb 1, 2026)
- Storymarriageengagementfamily
Cardboard ring box and the missing diamond
This is the original ring box from when I asked Ashly to marry me. Get ready for a shocker: I was seventeen years old. This is what you can afford when you're seventeen. It's cardboard, in case you're wondering.
And this is her engagement ring. I have it. You might wonder why she doesn't. It's because the diamond is missing. It fell out. That's the thing about a solitaire, right?
From the sermon: He is Here – Part 2 (Dec 14, 2025)
- PundatingJoshuaJericho
Jericho pickup line
I heard some Christian pickup lines, and a few of them are pretty funny. Here's one: "If I march around you seven times, will you fall for me?"
I like that one. That's for you boys. I gave that to you. It was a gift.
From the sermon: He is Here – Part 2 (Dec 14, 2025)
- Jokegrandparentschildrentravel
Grandma lives at the airport
I heard about a little girl who was asked where her grandmother lives. She said, "She lives at the airport. We go there to pick her up whenever we want to see her."
And I bet some of you have relatives you wish would stay at the airport.
From the sermon: He is Here – Part 1 (Dec 7, 2025)
- Jokeauthenticitypretendingfaith
Gorilla costume and a talking lion
There was a strong guy who worked on an oil rig, and when the economy went bad he got laid off. He's hunting jobs everywhere and sees the zoo is looking for an attendant. He figures they've got big things to move around, so he goes in. In the interview they say, "Well, the ad says attendant, but our gorilla just passed away, and the new one won't get here for about six months. We've got a costume. You sit around, eat bananas and peanuts, swing from tree to tree, throw some leaves." The money's decent, so he takes it.
About eight hours in, his stomach's turning from all the bananas and peanuts. He swings from one tree to the next, slips, and falls right into the lion enclosure. He's screaming, "Help! Help! I'm stuck!" The lion runs over and whispers, "Hey man, hush! We're both going to get fired!"
From the sermon: Great Questions – Part 5 (Nov 12, 2025)
- Jokemissionshistorywordplay
A missionary received warm
Many of the tribes Hudson Taylor went to were cannibals. If you're not sure what that is, look it up. It's not good. He had some funny things to say in his journal. People would say a missionary was "going out cold," meaning there was no welcome for him there, a cold, dark place. And his thought was, well, if we land on this island, I think they're going to want this missionary warm.
That's pretty funny. They were going to cook him.
From the sermon: Where Prayer Goes The Gospel Follows (Jun 22, 2025)
- Illustrationcommitmentrural lifefarming
Bacon and eggs: contribution versus commitment
A chicken offers bacon and eggs for a fundraiser. The pig notes that eggs require a contribution, while bacon requires total commitment.
From the sermon: Rooted In Resilience (May 25, 2025)
- JokefishingdiscernmentGod's voice
Ice fishing at the skating rink
A novice drilling into ice hears that there are no fish there. It is not God's voice; it is the ice-rink operator.
From the sermon: Free From It Part 4 (May 18, 2025)
- Jokechurchfoodchildren
Baptist boy brings a casserole
Children bring symbols of their faith: a Catholic brings a crucifix and a Baptist brings a casserole.
From the sermon: Villains of Calvary (Apr 6, 2025)
- IllustrationparentingcontrolGod's plans
Kids plotting for ice cream
He imagines children whispering a plan for getting ice cream while parents can hear everything, and compares it with people plotting against God.
From the sermon: Villains of Calvary (Apr 6, 2025)
- Jokefishingrural lifeFlorida
Pet redfish: what fish?
Caught with redfish and no license, a man claims the fish are pets that return when whistled at. Once he releases them, he denies knowing which fish the warden means.
From the sermon: Fishing in Florida – Part 1 (Feb 9, 2025)
- Joketeamworkcommunicationchurch
Moving the stove in opposite directions
Two neighbors struggle with a stove; one is trying to unload it and the other is trying to put it into the truck.
From the sermon: Better together (Feb 2, 2025)
- Jokemarriagelovereconciliation
Love your wife, neighbor, or enemy
A husband complains he and his wife are barely married and later feels she is against him. The counselor moves from loving a spouse to loving a neighbor to loving an enemy.
From the sermon: Complicated Christmas – Part 4 (Dec 25, 2024)
- Punpatienceschoolmath
Graphing teacher: that's where I draw the line
I bore with my algebra teacher. I bore with my calculus teacher. I bore with my trigonometry teacher. But I'll tell you what, that graphing teacher? That's where I draw the line.
Sorry, that was rough. I swung and missed. But that's the point: we're called to bear with one another. That word means to put up with. You're called to put up with me, bad jokes and all.
From the sermon: Complicated Christmas – Part 1 (Dec 8, 2024)
- IllustrationperseverancegraceProverbs
Seven falls: eventually you pull out your phone
Proverbs says the righteous man falls seven times and rises again. I love that verse.
Can you imagine walking around with somebody, and there he goes, down once? You try not to laugh. There he goes again, and this time you let out a little chuckle. There he goes again, and you pull out your phone because you've got to get this guy on video. He just keeps falling. At some point you start to feel sorry for him.
But the righteous man keeps getting up. He keeps getting up.
From the sermon: How to get to Heaven from Levy County – Part 3 (Nov 10, 2024)
- Storymissionslanguagerural evangelism
Alabama-accented Arabic in Lebanon
He meets a man from Alabama living in Lebanon, imagines Arabic spoken with the same Southern drawl, and recalls the man's comment about late-night conversations.
From the sermon: Keep the change – Part 3 (Sep 15, 2024)
- Storyworkcoal miningrural life
Red Bull as coal-mine currency
He describes mine work, the high value of an extra Red Bull underground, and admits he was there to make money rather than put coal on the belt.
From the sermon: Keep the change – Part 3 (Sep 15, 2024)
- Storyministryinterviewscalling
Seventeen reasons not to hire me
He recalls listing reasons the interview committee should not hire him and jokes that hiring him was their fault.
From the sermon: Culture of Life (Aug 18, 2024)
- Punsaltfoodwordplay
Himalayan salt and its opposite pepper
Himalayan salt gets an imaginary opposite pepper in a sound-based pun.
From the sermon: Culture of Life (Aug 11, 2024)
- Storyanimalschurchfear
Last thing through the spider's mind
A large spider drops out when he opens the church door. He stomps it and jokes that the last thing through its mind was his shoe.
From the sermon: Psalms 23 (Jul 28, 2024)
- Storyministrycallinginterviews
Pretending to work at Crackers during the church interview
Arriving before the interview committee, John acts like a restaurant employee and asks why they are there before revealing he is the candidate. In this telling he also mistakes a committee member for the pastor.
From the sermon: Psalms 23 (Jul 28, 2024)
- Storyworkmechanicsdistraction
Phase 10 while the oil pump keeps running
During a late-night card game at a mechanic shop, an oil pump is left running. Leaving the game, they hear it and realize the barrel holds far more oil than the truck.
From the sermon: Psalms 23 (Jul 14, 2024)
- Punnamesknightswordplay
Medieval children named Lance a lot
Modern people rarely name children Lance, but medieval people named them Lance a lot.
From the sermon: Psalm 23 – Part 1 (Jul 7, 2024)
- Jokerural lifeperceptionmentorship
Detectives mistake a side-profile photograph
Two recruits see only one eye or ear in a side-profile mugshot. The third correctly guesses contact lenses, but only because he thinks the suspect cannot wear glasses with one eye and one ear.
From the sermon: Branded – Part 3 (Jun 16, 2024)
- Jokelast wordsfamilyhumility
Famous last words: are you still holding the ladder?
An anecdote attributed to a friend supplies the grandfather's last words about whether someone is still holding the ladder.
From the sermon: Branded – Part 3 (Jun 16, 2024)
- Jokelast wordshistoryconfidence
Famous last words: an elephant at this distance
He recounts last words attributed to a Union Army officer about snipers not hitting an elephant at that distance.
From the sermon: Branded – Part 3 (Jun 16, 2024)
- Jokechurchattendanceanimals
Baptize the squirrels
A church cannot remove its squirrels until it baptizes them and makes them members; they return only at Christmas and Easter.
From the sermon: The Fight For Peace (May 26, 2024)
- Jokerural lifefarmingmarriage
Farmer's wife misunderstands the divorce lawyer
A lawyer asks about a case, grounds, a grudge and getting beaten up; she hears tractors, acreage, a garage and waking early. The issue turns out to be communication.
From the sermon: What Uncommon Couples have in Common (May 19, 2024)
- Jokechangeidentityappearance
God didn't recognize the makeover
A woman hears she has thirty years left, has extensive cosmetic work, then dies; the fictional explanation is that God did not recognize her.
From the sermon: 100% Guarantee Part 2 – Virtue (Aug 27, 2023)
- Punplansmarriageanimals
Pollination: plan bee
God originally planned to use wasps but went with plan B; the wife-response adds that the joke will never fly.
From the sermon: The Shepherd King – Part 4 (Aug 6, 2023)
- Punagingknightswordplay
Fifty-year-old guard: half a sentry
A fifty-year-old knight standing guard becomes a half-century/half-sentry pun.
From the sermon: The Shepherd King – Part 4 (Aug 6, 2023)
- Punhabitshealthapples
Apple addiction keeps the doctor away
An addiction to apples has a drawback: you cannot even go to the doctor.
From the sermon: The Shepherd King – Part 3 (Jul 30, 2023)
- Puncommunicationknightswordplay
Knights communicate by chainmail
Separated knights communicate by chainmail.
From the sermon: The Shepherd King – Part 2 (Jul 23, 2023)
- PunfearGod's presenceKing James
Afraid to fly: lo, I am with you
A woman uses 'lo, I am with you always' as her biblical reason for avoiding flying.
From the sermon: The Shepherd King – Part 1 (Jul 16, 2023)
- Punchurchconflictunity
Church argument over circles
A church fights over circles: the argument is pointless and goes around and around.
From the sermon: We Believe – Part 9 (Jul 9, 2023)
- Punelectricitycalmwordplay
Electrician's calming word
He asks what an electrician says to calm down, followed by an electrical-unit wordplay.
From the sermon: We Believe – Part 9 (Jul 9, 2023)
- Punmarriagehome repairelectricity
Poor electrician: she was shocked
A ceiling-fan installation leads to the joke that his wife found out he was a poor electrician and was shocked.
From the sermon: We Believe – Part 9 (Jul 9, 2023)
- JokechildrenChristmasparenting
Can I have a pony next Christmas?
After a mother describes giving birth to a baby brother as a Christmas gift, her daughter asks for a pony next year if it is not too painful.
From the sermon: We Believe – Part 7 (Jun 25, 2023)
- Storychildhoodfamilyjudgment
Fourteen pairs of underwear before a spanking
Sent to his room before a spanking, he prepares by putting on fourteen pairs of underwear; the belt still reaches his legs.
From the sermon: We Believe – Part 7 (Jun 25, 2023)
- Punlanguagedialectswordplay
Italian astronaut: a spaceman
An Italian astronaut joke that turns on how he pronounces 'spaceman,' with a hand gesture to match.
From the sermon: We Believe – Part 4 (May 28, 2023)
- Jokeperceptionassumptionsmiracles
The water-walking dog can't swim
A dog retrieves a stick by running across the lake; the neighbor notices only that the dog cannot swim.
From the sermon: We Believe – Part 3 (May 21, 2023)
- Jokeassumptionsquestionswork
The wheelbarrow thief
Security examines boxes of sawdust while missing what the worker is actually stealing: wheelbarrows.
From the sermon: We Believe – Part 2 (May 14, 2023)
- Jokeworkpersecutionresponsibility
Late to work is not persecution
A text-message story claims a boss persecuted a Christian by threatening dismissal for lateness; John responds that this is being a bad employee.
From the sermon: Making it Work – Part 2 (Apr 23, 2023)
- Punworkanimalsjobs
Dolphin interpreter: can't eke out a living
The dolphin-interpreter job pays so poorly he cannot eke out a living; he repeats the phrase for the sound effect and says he laughed when he read it.
From the sermon: Making it work – Part 1 (Apr 16, 2023)
- Punworkjobswordplay
Chemical company: toxic environment
A chemical-company job has a toxic environment.
From the sermon: Making it work – Part 1 (Apr 16, 2023)
- Punworkjobswordplay
Fire-hydrant company: nowhere to park
A job at a fire-hydrant company sounds good until you discover you cannot park near the place.
From the sermon: Making it work – Part 1 (Apr 16, 2023)
- Jokerelationshipsassumptionsappearance
Cashier can tell he's single
A cashier claims she can tell a shopper is single. When he asks how, she gives an insulting answer about his looks.
From the sermon: Room to Breathe – Part 3 (Apr 2, 2023)
- PunanimalspainAlabama
Elephants head for Tuscaloosa
Elephants have tight tusks and head to Tuscaloosa. John says he read the joke.
From the sermon: Spiritual Mechanics – Part 3 (Mar 12, 2023)
- Storychildhoodtemptationconsequences
First dip on the school bus
His first chewing-tobacco experience, around fifth grade, ends with a mess on the curb outside the school bus.
From the sermon: Spiritual Mechanics – Part 3 (Mar 12, 2023)
- Storygrandparentsfoodfamily
Grandmother says water rusts your pipes
His grandmother's explanation for preferring diet cola is that water rusts your pipes.
From the sermon: Spiritual Mechanics – Part 3 (Mar 12, 2023)
- Storyfoodhealthself denial
Red meat, kidney stones, and what my food eats
John describes his kidney stones and jokes that he chooses red meat over leafy vegetables because vegetables are what his food eats.
From the sermon: Spiritual Mechanics – Part 3 (Mar 12, 2023)
- Jokedirectionmarriagedriving
Not one wrong-way driver: hundreds
A wife warns her husband about a wrong-way driver; he says there are hundreds of them.
From the sermon: 7 Signs in John – Part 1 (Jan 8, 2023)
- PungrandparentsagingChristmas
Grandmother's stairlift drives her up the wall
Grandmother gets a stairlift, and it is driving her up the wall. John makes clear the setup isn't true.
From the sermon: Dirty Laundry Christmas – Part 3 (Dec 11, 2022)
- Jokechurchconflictunity
Castaway's three huts
A lone castaway built a home, a church, and the church he used to attend.
From the sermon: Everyone is invited (Sep 25, 2022)
- Illustrationmarriagereconciliationchurch
Turn on the wipers while resolving the argument
Couples who argued on the way to church should stay in the car and resolve it; he suggests wipers as a signal so others know not to interrupt.
From the sermon: Horses, Ships, and Forest fires (Sep 18, 2022)
- Illustrationmarriageconflictcommunication
Ostriches always marry porcupines
One partner avoids conflict like an ostrich; the other responds with spikes like a porcupine, and those two tend to marry.
From the sermon: Horses, Ships, and Forest fires (Sep 18, 2022)
- Illustrationjudgmenthypocrisyself examination
Eye surgery with a log in your own eye
He acts out correcting someone else's twig while his own log prevents him getting close, identifying the absurdity in Jesus' illustration.
From the sermon: Horses, Ships, and Forest fires (Sep 18, 2022)
- Jokerepentancehuntinganimals
Condor tastes like other protected birds
A hungry man is forgiven for eating a protected condor, then reveals it tastes between a whooping crane and spotted owl, exposing a pattern of wrongdoing.
From the sermon: Limited Admission Part 2 (Jul 10, 2022)
- Jokemarriageparentingleadership
Dad is boss because Mom allows it
A little girl asks whether her father is boss of the family, then explains that it is because Mommy told him he could be.
From the sermon: Unstoppable Part 3 (Jun 19, 2022)
- PunChristmaschurchwordplay
No Santa: Claus-trophobic
No Santa decorations in church lead into a play on 'claustrophobic.'
From the sermon: Acts 4:33 (Nov 28, 2021)